Naan N' Crazy.

In between classes & meetings yesterday, I was able to squeeze in coffee and lunch and dinner and water (an excuse, really) with 4 amazing women.

Then I came home to a house with 5 women, ++ 4 more sorority sisters (myself the former) watching Glee & thoroughly enjoying a bag of caramel pops. Not to forget all the xx communication vis-a-vis the electronic world (text, gchat, skype). And then there was the meeting with Lisa, the woman working for the Berkeley Jewish community @ Hillel, and the continuation of warrior princess emails to my gf in China. Oh and getting woken up to a phone call from my mother and texts from my best friend @ home. Even Monday was girl induced- as it was spent with an awesome new gf (and 2 other loved ones we found moseying around). And today, today I have a spiritual date with the rabbi's wife, coffee with a French beauty, and an afternoon of cooking & eating & talking with other magnificent maidens. When did this happen?

I've mean, I've never considered myself a "girl's girl."

I have my best girlfriends, and then the women I check in with that I've built personal relationships with over time. Maslow's hierarchy of needs, particularly "love & belonging" were really always fulfilled by my family and the friends that became my family. Men wise, my father and older brothers have showered me in love from the moment I was born- spoiling me in a sense. They are my role models, my best friends, & the reasons I am at all "cool"-- who else would have introduced me to Morrissey & Car Talk?

They stand as impossible shoes to fill- what man could ever love me as they do?

It's funny actually, because one of my 'friends turned family' pointed it out to me last night. In the midst of our expansive Indian buffet, waddup Naan N' Curry!, she said that maybe the reason I use men as my source of fun/comfort is because my brothers & dad gave me so much of it (exposed much?). I scratch the "itch" with wanting more love- seeking new hands but never being satisfied and looking to greener pastures. Yet the ones I get stuck on are the unattainable, hard to reach hands. The others peeps I keep an arm length's distance from.

My point with this over-exposed, hey world- want to know a weakness that looks like a strength?!- is love. I have so much of it in my life, in so many different forms, yet I always want more. It's the human & American consumer in me. More fun. More love. More clothes. More cake. More money. More. More. More. The human condition is sick in that way, trying to feed the empty in you, to fill the hole of repressed needs society deems wrong. This is becoming an entirely different blog post now, but I had a point.

If getting out of a relationship & being on my own has taught me anything-- it's that I can do anything on my own. I am my greatest friend, I am my loudest cheerleader, I am my biggest critic, I am my own personal chef, I am my own transportation (leggers!), and my own emperor. Even so- I've still come to appreciate and nurture the relationships around me- especially the women above (in the least lesbian way possible). Their friendships feed my soul, and are opening my eyes to the different forms of love out there.

Even though these are comforts I should sometimes dare myself to step away from, I am finding the "balance" between solitude and dependence, peace and chaos, mindfulness and impulsivity, need vs. want.

I mean, I know I don't need to go curry crazy with girlfriend number 4, but God knows I want to. Chicken Curry AND Carissa- I mean, can you even blame me?